mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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