I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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