i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
