Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
