so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
