i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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