It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
