You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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