we have officially lost it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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