Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
