well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You made out with two different species that night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
