Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
