wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
