I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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