i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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