you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
