I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
