Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
