So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
