i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
