Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
