im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
