hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
