So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
