arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
