Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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