3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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