Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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