I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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