I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's great music for shaving your balls
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
