NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
