I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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