I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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