i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
