so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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