i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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