hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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