also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
