just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
