don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
