if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
