My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
