Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
