I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
