Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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