Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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