This is not my ceiling
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need a beard to bite.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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