My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
