I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How naked do you want me to be?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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