He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
